Homesick
I’m often surprised that after nearly 2 years of splitting my life between Dorset (home) and London (work) that I still suffer from homesickness. I assumed that after a period of adjustment this feeling would just go away.
It’s seldom acute but generally manifests in a weird mixture of what I would describe as feeling anxious, a little down and just generally feeling unsettled and displaced. As someone who spends most of my waking hours thinking about change and supporting people adapt to or implement change I find it both intriguing and frustrating that after this much time I can’t quite get my brain to fully adapt to my split location living arrangements. It’s also weird how I can quite literally experience the feeling gradually subside as I pass from stop to stop on the train ride home.
I’m not complaining about being away from home. I enjoy my job and I feel privileged to work for a company that gives me rewarding work, challenge, personal growth, a fair salary and importantly the flexibility to live and work in this way…and let’s not forget I have chosen to do this! The benefits definitely outweigh the moments where I’m more conscious of these feelings. Most weeks my coping strategies of throwing myself into my work or surrounding myself with awesome people distract me sufficiently that it’s a minor inconvenience. Just one I thought wouldn’t last this long.
It makes me wonder if the heartfelt connections to place, people and things that make up my concept of ‘home’ are now so hard-wired into my brain that being away from them will always have this effect on me. I still live in hope that one day it’ll all just click into place and I’ll be able to utilise the energy I feel is wasted processing these feelings on more productive and valuable endeavours. Maybe it’s just part of my programming that can’t be fixed? Is it a genetic trait similar to the one that means I don’t enjoy watching football? I’m sure science or therapy could provide me with answers but instead of exploring either of those options I thought I’d just share these random thoughts here on the much neglected blog. I needed the writing practice, a distraction and I’m not sure I could afford a therapist brave enough to take me on!
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